Smart boy

A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students.

Teacher: What is your problem?
Boy: I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is. I think I should be in the third-grade too.

The teacher took the boy to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told her that he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed.
The boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: What is 3 x 3?
Boy: 9
Principal: What is 6 x 6?
Boy: 36

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. "I think the boy can go to the third-grade", said the principal.
The teacher said she had some of her own questions to ask. The principal and the boy agreed.

Teacher: What is it that a cow has four and I have only two?
Boy: (after a moment) Legs.
Teacher: What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?
Boy: Pockets.
Teacher: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy: Coconut.
Teacher : What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
The principal's eyes openned really wide and before he could stop the answer, the boy was already answering.
Boy: Bubblegum
Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?
The principal's eyes openned really wide and before he could stop the answer...
Boy: Shake hands.
Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Boy: Yep.
Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy: Tent
Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large vodka peg.....
Boy: Wedding Ring.
Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy: Nose
Teacher: I am a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy: Arrow
Teacher: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy: Firetruck.
Teacher: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' and if u dont get it u have to use your hand?
Boy: Fork.
Teacher : What is it that all men have one. It is longer for some men than for others. The pope doesn't use his. Normally a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy: SURNAME.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send this Boy to the University. I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"

Blind Boy

A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet.
He held up a sign which said: "I am blind, please help."
There were only a few coins in the hat.

A man was walking by.
He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat.
He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words.
He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words.

Soon the hat began to fill up.
A lot more people were giving money to the blind boy.
That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were.
The boy recognized his footsteps and asked, "Were u the one who changed my sign this morning? What did u write?"

The man said, "I only wrote the truth. I said what u said but in a different way."

What he had written was: "Today is a beautiful day & I cannot see it."

Do you think the first sign & the second sign were saying the same thing?
Of course both signs told people the boy was blind.
But the first sign simply said the boy was blind.
The second sign told people they were so lucky that they were not blind.
Should we be surprised that the second sign was more effective?

Moral of the Story:
Be thankful for what you have.
Be creative.
Be innovative.
Think differently and positively.
Invite the people towards good with wisdom.
Live life with no excuse & love with no regrets.
When Life gives you a 100 reasons to cry, show life that you have 1000 reasons to smile.
Face your past without regret.
Handle your present with confidence.
Prepare for the future without fear.
Keep the faith & drop the fear.
Don't believe your doubts & doubt your beliefs.
Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to resolve.
Life is wonderful if you know how to live!!!

Children

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students... here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.And the first thing he said was "DON'T ! "

"Don't what?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.

"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit?Hey Eve...we have forbidden fruit!"

"No Way!"

"Yes way!"

"Do NOT eat the fruit! " said God.

"Why?"

"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants.A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!

"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?" said the Father. "I don't know," said Eve.

"She started it!" Adam said.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"DID NOT!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY! If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you ?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spendthe next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY:Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.

FINALLY:

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN"& "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!